My Spiritual Earthquake

The Shaking Begins: When God Rocks Our Foundations

A.I. defines an earthquake as a sudden release of energy (in the Earth’s crust) that causes the ground to shake.

The Bible tells us in Hebrews 12:26-27 “When God spoke from Mount Sinai his voice shook the earth, but now he makes another promise: ‘Once again I will shake not only the earth but the heavens also.’ This means that all of creation will be shaken and removed, so that only unshakable things will remain.”

I knew I was being shaken.  I didn’t know it would rock my world to seismic proportions. It was a time for me to decide yet again who I would choose to serve.  The answer was a no-brainer, but everything about my faith had been rocked.  Circumstances were not what I had expected.  Could I even hear from God?  What good was I to the Kingdom?  Where had I gone wrong?

A Vision in the Rubble: Fighting for Spiritual Survival

I sat in my reclining chair in the living room and asked the Lord to help.  When I quieted my voice and my spirit enough to listen, He gave me a vision.  I was buried in the rubble of a skyscraper.  I have seen pictures and video footage on the news but never experienced an earthquake here on earth.  I was fighting for survival, clawing my way through the rock and debris trying to get to air.  My hands were cut and scraped with blood running down my arms.  My face was dirty, ash covered and looking to the sky for air.  My body was still buried under the debris.  I knew I was in an earthquake fighting for survival. It wasn’t for physical life, but for spiritual life.

The enemy was hard at work, but God was offering me a way out.  All I could do was look at him desperate for a breath of fresh air.

Over the next weeks, I would experience symptoms of my spiritual journey in the natural.   My finger nails literally began breaking and my hands became physically scratched and cut.  God definitely had my attention.

Discovering the Unshakable Truths of God

What was unshakable?  What was the truth?  What could not be disputed?

God is good.

God is faithful.

God is trustworthy.

Everything else was up for debate.

I metaphorically planted those three flags and continually went back to them.  Every time I sat with the Lord desiring understanding or change of circumstance,  I began and ended with those three unshakable truths.

I don’t know why those were the three I chose.  There are many that could have been selected, but those are the three I stood on during this season.  I needed to remind myself often that He is good.  The circumstances were not.  He is faithful.  He has demonstrated this to me time and time agin.  He is trustworthy.  This was not the first time he had asked me to do something I had not wanted to do.  I now know that if he is asking me to do something, it is good for the Kingdom and ultimately will be good for me especially when I can’t see it in the present moment.  He has never failed me in the past.  He won’t in the future.  And he didn’t in this present moment.  He is the same yesterday, today and forever.

Wrestling With Obedience and the Hard Work of Transformation

I was mad at the circumstances and vented to God about them.  I was mad at the enemy.  And I was mad at myself.  I didn’t know how to dig out of this pile.  But I sure knew how to cry out to God and I did often, most likely sounding like a record on repeat.

He listened.  He was quiet.  And then He spoke.

God set me on a journey through Romans.  Not just reading it, but spending time in it.  For months, I went back and read and re-read, read books and commentaries trying to figure out what he was telling me.  I had a hard time hearing it because honestly I didn’t like what he was saying.  My heart was hard and I didn’t want to obey.

I knew eventually I would.  But my flesh did not like it.

I knew it was the right thing to do, but I did not want to do it.  I shared with my closest confidants and asked them to pray.  I continued times of fasting and praying.  I continued crying out to God in ways that I never had before.  He never got mad at me.  He kept guiding me.  Unfortunately, his answer never really changed.  The circumstances never changed.

He was digging deep into my heart exposing darkness that shouldn’t be there.  He was offering me a gift and wanted to remove it.  I didn’t see it as a gift then.  He was challenging me.  He was relentless.  I was stubborn.  He was offering me freedom.  My soul desired it.  My flesh fought it.

A Retreat to the Mountains: Learning to Let God Transform Me

Three months after my earthquake originated, I had the opportunity to go to the mountains.  A retreat.  I spent a week primarily alone seeking God and asking not just for clarity but for the desire to live this life his way.  To allow the transformation of my mind and my heart.  To truly be able to love and forgive others the way he loves and forgives me.  To not just expose the darkness but to bring the light to it.

In many ways, it is still a process.  When confronted I would prefer to run and hide or just make it go away, but that is not how God cleanses us.  He continually gives us the opportunity to grow, change and become more like Him.  The more darkness that can be removed, the more room in my heart for the Spirit of God and the truths of God.  Only the light can remove the darkness.  He will reach into every crevice if we allow it. And sometimes he will blast his way in as that is what is necessary when a soul gets stubborn.