The Beginning of the New ✨

Chosen by God Through Community

I have heard that you should choose your friends wisely as you will become like those you hang around. I feel that is often meant as something other than a compliment. In this case God knew me better than I knew myself and he put me smack in the middle of a people group that He would use to draw me to him.

Seeking Validation in the Wrong Places

My selfish heart wanted to be seen as spiritual, desired to be part of a church staff in spite of severe church hurt and a lack of ability. I wanted to be accepted and known. And could not understand or receive the truth that I already was. God loved me. God accepted me. And God desired me. But, I was busy looking to man for that validation. And still trying to earn my way into heaven.

Wounded but Still Pursued

After years of serving in large churches and the result seemingly the same, my heart was wounded. My pride was wounded. And my spirit was being silenced. The enemy was winning. But God was not done pursuing me.

A Strange New Church

When I arrived at a small church, I couldn’t figure out why I was there, but I also couldn’t leave. Kinda like driving by a car accident and you can’t take your eyes off it. Within a few months, a new pastor arrived. He seemed desperate for help. I was eager to jump into ministry. . Martha (me) moved right in. However, God knows all and He had a plan for Mary to emerge. This pastor was different. He held prayer meetings. That was quite acceptable. Before long, he was calling corporate fasts. Corporate fasts? Who even heard of such a thing? A pastor calling the entire church to fast. My pride and my flesh were not super happy about that. It was here that I found myself in the middle of a corporate fast. Having gotten out of one, there was no way for my pride to get out of the second invitation. You can only imagine the thoughts going through my head because they are probably the same ones going through your head right now. Me? No, I’m good. 21 days without food. I’m pretty sure I will die. We’re all doing it - don’t you want to be part of the group? What group - the crazy group? And yet, I jumped into my first fast guided by two ladies in the church.

Miracles Through Fasting

Twenty-one days later, God had worked miracles in my heart exposing decades of guilt and shame and inviting me onto a new path. At the time, I had no idea what that meant or how long it would take, but my heart softened, responded, and said “Yes, Jesus, Yes.” Recently, I heard a pastor describe the discipline of fasting as a fast track to God’s heart and plan. I can attest to that for me. It has been the discipline of fasting that has drawn me to his heart and led me to pray “align my heart with yours, Lord.” Regardless if it is a fast track or not, I am thankful for the outcome.

The Honeymoon Season with Jesus

The honeymoon between me and Jesus continued. I was learning to hear consistently and clearly from The Lord. Every word or instruction was exhilarating. Of course, The Lord only wanted to bless me. His plan is to prosper me. He gives good gifts. I had heard all those scriptures. I just didn’t have a full revelation of what they meant. Sometimes gifts that are good for you don’t always seem good to you!

A Year of Relationship

It was in this glorious season of cultivating new intimacy with the Lord, that he invited me to fast ten days a month for the next year. Like a new girlfriend, of course, I said Yes. I was fresh into the emotional high of the first fast and enjoying the presence of the Lord in a way I never had before.

Like many of you, I was taught to ask The Lord for a “word” for the year. I know many get them early, but for me it is typically a New Year's Day surprise. That year, my word for the year was “relationship.” Simple enough, I thought. There are certainly some relationships in my life that could change.

Changing from the Inside Out

By the end of the year I had learned to pray out unhealthy relationships, pray in healthy ones and my friend, pastor and mentor groups looked decidedly different come December. Relationships with my children, husband and family members had experienced a shaking.

I learned that even though I loved people, I also held them at bay protecting myself. I sometimes gave them unhealthy access to my feelings, my mind and my thoughts. I allowed them more influence than I should have. And throughout the year, it wasn’t necessarily that they had changed; but that I had – God had been slowly changing my priorities, my habits, my needs, and my abilities. He didn’t come in and pull the rug, but he allowed me to make the choice.

Receptive, Secure, and Filled with Grace

The Lord softened my heart through prayer and fasting so that I am receptive to the directives he provides. I don’t lack for friends. I don’t understand all His choices, but I choose to follow Him. I can look back now and see that I am stronger and I have shifted to allow him to be my greatest influencer.

I am now secure in whose I am and who I am. I am loved. I am accepted. And that hole in my heart that has been there for as long as I can remember, is now filled with grace. Grace. No longer earning, but grace. Not eating has truly changed my mind, my body and my spirit. Fasting has taught me to love God, love myself and love others.

Just the Beginning

It hasn’t been easy, but he has taken me on a journey to learn to trust him, lean on him, rely on him and be confident in him. (Proverbs 25:2 AMP) A promise he gave me on day 21 of that very first fast.

Although I didn’t know it at the time, we were just beginning an exciting new adventure.